Girl’s Cot (Season 2)
NR ReviewGenre: Drama
NEGATIVE:The title of this movie is an insult to everyone involved in the original "Girl's Cot" movie
I want to know the person that actually watched this movie and was ‘entertained’ by it. That blessed soul that endured all 4 hours of this crapology and felt inspired by it. I feel the existence of this movie (and that title, most importantly) is just an insult to Genny and all them people in the earlier version. So my sincere apologies to you all (Ini, Rita, Genny, Uche) na so them wan rubbish ya legacy
-Story: [0 out of 5] I am really tempted to call this movie a companion piece of some sort to the 2009 movie, “Girl’s Cot” starring Ini Edo, Rita Dominic, Genevieve Nnaji and Uche Jombo. But on second thought (and considering that I was actually entertained by the older version – something I can’t say about this one), I will just go ahead and call it a reboot (my own is why they had to call it “Girl’s Cot”. Did y’all run out of names?). So apparently now our movies are in ‘seasons’? Ha, got to love Nollywood though. We weren’t content with part 1 and 2 (… up to infinity), we weren’t content with ‘series’ (i.e Adams Apples), now we just call them seasons???? (speaking of which, I hear “Blackberry Babes” is getting a reboot… mba sorry… a second season!?! Haha this should be funny, watch this space for the review). In my sincere opinion, I don’t think this movie actually had any concrete storyline. The synopsis makes it seem like no they are about to act something reasonable. But on the contrary, it’s just a parade of lesbians. No storyline and it just drags on and on and on in ‘disgustingness’ (not a word? I know). I want to know the person that actually watched this movie and was ‘entertained’ by it. That blessed soul that endured all 4 hours of this crapology and felt inspired by it. I feel the existence of this movie (and that title, most importantly) is just an insult to Genny and all them people in the earlier version. So my sincere apologies to you all (Ini, Rita, Genny, Uche) na so them wan rubbish ya legacy
-Originality: [0 out of 5] The only original thing in this movie was the “illegitimate daughter” twist, aside from that it’s the same old same old.
-Predictability: [0 out of 5] Toss a coin. Pick a side.
-Directing/Editing: [1 out of 5] People who write these scripts are truly talented! I mean hats off to you all… you are immensely talented in the art of prolonging rubbish. Story = zilch… yet it’s in four parts? (Permit me to be ghetto but “where they do that at?”). Wetin una dey act? (what are you acting?) What? What is the purpose of having four parts (then again, what was the purpose of making the first part gan sef)? And that camera man though lol… always zooming in to azuka (that which is at the back) and Nkiru (that which is in front). Non-stop! Tell me though… all those ashawo babes… shey una go allen avenue (abi na Opebi) go har-range the babes? They look like they came straight out of night-shift
-Acting quality: [0.5 out of 5] The only thing missing in this movie is Tonto Dikeh. I was actually waiting for her to make her entrance because a script like this just feels incomplete without the poko queen. I’m assuming that either they couldn’t afford her or she was pre-occupied so they made do with “Chika Sugar Asoegwu (you might remember her as the SU from ‘Tattoo Girls‘). This is the third time I’m seeing the girl on screen and it is settled… the babe no sabi act. Fi le! She no fit do am… it’s not for you please redirect to a different career path. I mean you try! But mba. Her acting skills are on the same level as Chika Ike, I am yet to decide which of the two is more annoying. Two actual actors in this movie: Mercy Johnson and Funke Akindele. Jenifa is funny as hell!!! And Mercy is effortless but it’s about time you people stopped acting in these useless excuse of movies (especially Jenifa, I don vex for you because after seeing Jenifa I rushed and bought every single movie I could find starring you [dot.... dot... dot] two words. BIG MISTAKE! I want a refund! especially for that mess excuse of a movie “Bomb Blast”. That one, I’ve been trying to get past 20 minutes since May- which was 5 months ago)
-Setting: [3 out of 5] Ok
-Costume/Make-Up: [1 out of 5] As innnnnnn! Babes are not smiling… una no go gree until this una Brazilian hair dey touch una for knee shey? I feel so sorry for Brazilian women come Rio 2016. The amount of Nigerians way go reach there LIVE! Hian… eez all over. Brazil goes bald.
-Props and Graphics: [2 out of 5] Uhm… hey! I want an AIDS testing machine in my lounge too (if I had a lounge). I didn’t know it was so cheap that Naija senators not only all have one but carry it with them to the hotel when they want to meet ashawos (portable risk assessor… before you do the do)
-Video Quality: [4 out of 5] Good
-Audio Quality [3 out of 5] Ok
-Soundtrack: [2 out of 5] Not bad
-Musical Score: [3 out of 5] Ok
So… Tell Me
Since starting NR, I’ve noticed a lot of things (hmm…hmm)! And of course there are many things about the industry wey dey vex me (I mean, ofcourse, afterall this is Nollywood we are talking about here). But there is NOTHING that annoys me more than that group of Nollywoodians (viewers) who watch movies that are obviously crap, (I know its crap, they know it’s crap, you know it’s crap, heck everyone with a brain in their head knows it’s crap) and then they go on twitter, facebook (or just the comment section of irokotv.com) and they praise the living daylight out of the movie. Warraheck (what the heck?)? Did we just watch the same movie… you’ll soon see them tweeting @chikaike “OMG! You are the best actress in Nollywood. I just saw you in that movie, Girl’s Cot! Girl you killed it! You are just the absolute best. You are the best actress in Nollywood”
TAA GERROUT! Uturu gbagbuo gi eba nwu (simple translation: get lost. Go jump off a bridge) Best Actress my behind! Stop lying to these actors. Stop falsely glorifying a movie. Stop overhyping B.S!!! If they suck, tell them they suck or don’t say anything at all. Na by force to talk? Why must we not only condone crap but we actually turn around to praise it? Come on people… sometimes when I see these tweets I’m really tempted to turn around and reply with a
“You sure say na the same movie you dey watch?”
Girl’s Cot (Season 2),